Always tomorrow.   

I’ve got goals. Yes I do! Tomorrow I am going to sit down and write something. I swear it to be true.

My cash flow this weekend is a little light so I’m taking this opportunity to force myself to do some major cleaning about the house, work on work sites that I slacked off on this week, and W R I T E! We shall see how it goes.

I am in love with Veronica Mars. In love I say! This is the first time I’ve truly been in love with a show since Buffy and Dawson’s. (That’s not to say I haven’t loved other shows but none have kept me this obsessed.) I’m actually looking forward to the finale next week just so I can get back some of my brain. My focus on things has been completely SHOT over the past few weeks. I live for Tuesday and, then, I spend the whole week trying to soak in all the VM ideas everyone has and rewatching the scenes I love the best – all waiting for the next week’s episode. It’s kinda sick how much it has sucked me in… I’d forgotten that I could get this way – it’s a sweet torture.

How I envy Joss Whedon and Rob Thomas… the talent those men have… *sigh* if I only I had a tenth of that talent in my little pinky!! They are so good at creating people. It’s the one thing I feel like I suck at in my own writing. Writing that I enjoy focuses on the characters and not the action/story. I want to get invested in the characters I’m reading about – I want to be so invested that I have to put the book down when something embarassing is about to happen – that I have to read that scene with my eyes half-shut, as though I can make have less of an impact that way. How do they do that? Come up with these great characters who are all so different from each other and deeply developed. Is there a trick to it – do they storyboard it all or do they just know what each character is like and go from there?

If I could have lunch with anyone in the world… I’d pick one of these guys so I could ask them these questions and hope that some of their talent would rub off on my hand shaking theirs. ;)

Ok, it’s late and I still wanna read. Ta-ta my friends.

PS – There have been times this week that I have felt as though I was/am being irreverent. I don’t mean to be … Patti is always in my thoughts after all. I’ve just had to distance myself a bit from everyone’s memories of her and those discussions. It was getting too hard to function and cope. So, instead, I’ve lost myself in the things that make me smile and the things Patti’d be enjoying if she were here. I just don’t want anyone else to take it as though I am not feeling her loss to the same degree as everyone else … because I am.

3 Responses to “Always tomorrow.”

  1. 1
    cara_leigh9 says:

    Hi Rae. Good luck on the writing.

    I’m sure no one thinks you’re being irreverent. Everyone grieves in different ways and I know everyone respects that.

    *hugs you*

  2. 2
    calturner says:

    You’re dealing with your grief in your own way, Rae. I know how much Patti meant to you. I can understand your need to distance yourself from the board. I’ve had to do the same thing myself. {{{Rae}}}

    I wish VM would air over here! I’m tempted to start downloading it, but it’s so time consuming. I have a feeling I would love it. :)

  3. 3
    karinalee says:

    CORDELIA: And how are you?

    ANGEL: I’m o -

    CORDELIA: Don’t tell me “okay”, Angel, please, I know you and ever since you came back from your grief-trip I can tell something’s not right. And obviously it’s not — Buffy’s dead, I don’t mean to diminish that. I miss her, too… I just want to say: I know that James with all his Romeo and Juliette madness opened up a lot of wounds for you, but you’ll be okay.

    ANGEL: I *am* okay.

    CORDELIA: Then what’s the problem?

    ANGEL: That I’m okay. That losing Buffy didn’t kill me, that I could deal with it. In all those years no one ever mattered, not like she did. And now she’s gone. Forever.

    CORDELIA: And you’re still here.

    ANGEL: Yeah. And it feels like I’m betraying her somehow.

    CORDELIA: No. If you were a loser, if you were a sick obsessed vampire, you’d go to a snod demon or whatever and get your heart cut out. But you’re not. You’re a living, breathing — well a living, anyway — good guy who’s still fighting and trying to help people. That’s not betraying her, that’s honoring her.

    ANGEL: Ya’ think?

    CORDELIA: I’m Cordelia, I don’t think, I know. Okay?

    ANGEL: Okay.

    {{Rae}} I feel just as you do. I can’t begin to imagine your pain because you guys were so close, but I’m feeling her loss very deeply. And that both surprises me and doesn’t, really. She was a constant in my life for almost 2 years. It leaves a hole.

    Love you,