I’ve got a wee bit of Irish in me… There are some O’Connors in my family history. Now I just need someone to kiss me
It’s raining out and we had to park miles from UNOs. I dunno why it was so busy today. Either way, the run from the car to the door and back again means I’m now wet, wet, wet. Naturally the AC is on full blast today because it’s been warm and muggy lately. All of which means I’m C O L D! And, gosh darnit, I took my sweater home the other day.
It’s easier at ACN to do these things because it’s a small group of people and we’ve all been relatively busy lately so it’s easy to catch up and not get lost in the parts. Plus, when there’s not much chatter going on it’s easy to jump with a random post out of left field. It’s still awkward though. I always feel like I’ve been gone for so long that I should take a moment to ‘re-introduce’ myself so to speak. It’s harder on S3 for me because there is almost always conversation going on and I feel weird just inserting myself into that… And, I’ll be clear that no matter where it is it’s not a matter of the people making me feel that way. It’s all me and my neuroses.
Add all of that with my tendancy to be introverted these days and you’ve got one seriously Anti-Social Rae unless she’s talking to herself in her LJ. Plus, let’s be truthful, I can have Semagic open on my computer and work on a post at a leisurely pace. Writing a sentence or a thought there in between work until I’ve got it finished. It posts as though I sat down and typed it in one sitting and I can worry about responding to comments when there is time. Boards don’t work that way… if I can only do a drive-by posting I tend to do it at S3 because there are so many people about that I don’t feel bad zipping in and out. At ACN I know that, if someone is around that’s rare these days, I’ll want to stick around and chat. So, I only check it out when I have time to take a few minutes.
I’m rambling. See, this is what happens… I’m a rambler about nonsensical things when I’m not in the mood to discuss ‘real life.’
And, this doesn’t fit here but I’m adding anyway. The one thing about making friends online is that you get kind of frustrated at never being able to do ‘regular’ friend things with people. I want to call people up and say, “Hey I haven’t seen you in FOREVER – let’s go to the bookstore, get a coffee (or hot choco for me), and just shoot the bull for a couple of hours.” You just can’t do that with online friends and that sucks when you have made the type of friends that you would TOTALLY do that with!
I think it’s all about change for me. It’s become more of a frustration these days because there is also some of that same “distance” between my “real” life friends these days. My friend Doug moved to UF in August to work on his Master’s degree and he was someone I did the last-minute-gab-fest with a lot. Even before he left, he, Greg, and I had gotten so busy that we got out of our regular movie/dinner get-togethers. Since he’s been gone, Greg and I have just been caught up in things that we haven’t re-established them so I sometimes feel a little disconnected from both of them. There are other examples of subtle changes lately but I feel like I’m feeling sorry for myself and I don’t feel that. I mean – it’s not like I have a whole lot of time anyway. I’ve got quite a few things going on right now that I was just complaining about how all of those things make my time go too fast. Haha. It’s just all of those small subtle changes added to the big job change and suddenly it feels like nothing is the same recently. Of course that’s not true at all but who said anything about logic being involved
For some reason, I’ve also suddenly been lonely? I’m not sure lonely is the right word. I’m not moping or depressed about it. Just missing the presence of a significant other in my life. I don’t want a significant other just to fill that need – I’d rather have an other because they are significant. If you know what I mean. I’ve just really felt the absence of someone to hug, to talk to, to do mindless daily activities with… Not that it’s a good time for me. I mean, it’d be a great time to have that person already established in my life but it’s a horrible time to actually meet that person and start to get to know him. I’ve got enough going on without adding that kind of emotional wackiness to it!
Ok – I really have to get back to work so enough out of me. If you made it this far, thanks for reading!