Happy St. Patrick’s Day!   

I’ve got a wee bit of Irish in me… There are some O’Connors in my family history. Now I just need someone to kiss me ;)

It’s raining out and we had to park miles from UNOs. I dunno why it was so busy today. Either way, the run from the car to the door and back again means I’m now wet, wet, wet. Naturally the AC is on full blast today because it’s been warm and muggy lately. All of which means I’m C O L D! And, gosh darnit, I took my sweater home the other day.

So – I’ve figured out why I always post here rather than the boards. On a daily basis that is… it feels odd showing up for a few minutes at the board and posting random, boring posts that truly are nothing more than me rambling about things no one cares about. But, here, well it is my LJ so who cares if I ramble about the things rattling around in my head, right? Plus, I always feel bad that I haven’t been around on the board to catch up and find out what’s going on in everyone’s life so that I can post a thoughtful post with comments to everyone. I just don’t have the time to keep up even though I am thinking about everyone and I do catch myself up, as much as possible, on the news in everyone’s lives. Not to mention I feel bad dropping by to update everyone on ME and not taking the time to respond to everyone else.

*sigh*

It’s easier at ACN to do these things because it’s a small group of people and we’ve all been relatively busy lately so it’s easy to catch up and not get lost in the parts. Plus, when there’s not much chatter going on it’s easy to jump with a random post out of left field. It’s still awkward though. I always feel like I’ve been gone for so long that I should take a moment to ‘re-introduce’ myself so to speak. It’s harder on S3 for me because there is almost always conversation going on and I feel weird just inserting myself into that… And, I’ll be clear that no matter where it is it’s not a matter of the people making me feel that way. It’s all me and my neuroses.

Add all of that with my tendancy to be introverted these days and you’ve got one seriously Anti-Social Rae unless she’s talking to herself in her LJ. Plus, let’s be truthful, I can have Semagic open on my computer and work on a post at a leisurely pace. Writing a sentence or a thought there in between work until I’ve got it finished. It posts as though I sat down and typed it in one sitting and I can worry about responding to comments when there is time. Boards don’t work that way… if I can only do a drive-by posting I tend to do it at S3 because there are so many people about that I don’t feel bad zipping in and out. At ACN I know that, if someone is around that’s rare these days, I’ll want to stick around and chat. So, I only check it out when I have time to take a few minutes.

I’m rambling. See, this is what happens… I’m a rambler about nonsensical things when I’m not in the mood to discuss ‘real life.’

And, this doesn’t fit here but I’m adding anyway. The one thing about making friends online is that you get kind of frustrated at never being able to do ‘regular’ friend things with people. I want to call people up and say, “Hey I haven’t seen you in FOREVER – let’s go to the bookstore, get a coffee (or hot choco for me), and just shoot the bull for a couple of hours.” You just can’t do that with online friends and that sucks when you have made the type of friends that you would TOTALLY do that with!

I think it’s all about change for me. It’s become more of a frustration these days because there is also some of that same “distance” between my “real” life friends these days. My friend Doug moved to UF in August to work on his Master’s degree and he was someone I did the last-minute-gab-fest with a lot. Even before he left, he, Greg, and I had gotten so busy that we got out of our regular movie/dinner get-togethers. Since he’s been gone, Greg and I have just been caught up in things that we haven’t re-established them so I sometimes feel a little disconnected from both of them. There are other examples of subtle changes lately but I feel like I’m feeling sorry for myself and I don’t feel that. I mean – it’s not like I have a whole lot of time anyway. I’ve got quite a few things going on right now that I was just complaining about how all of those things make my time go too fast. Haha. It’s just all of those small subtle changes added to the big job change and suddenly it feels like nothing is the same recently. Of course that’s not true at all but who said anything about logic being involved ;)

For some reason, I’ve also suddenly been lonely? I’m not sure lonely is the right word. I’m not moping or depressed about it. Just missing the presence of a significant other in my life. I don’t want a significant other just to fill that need – I’d rather have an other because they are significant. If you know what I mean. I’ve just really felt the absence of someone to hug, to talk to, to do mindless daily activities with… Not that it’s a good time for me. I mean, it’d be a great time to have that person already established in my life but it’s a horrible time to actually meet that person and start to get to know him. I’ve got enough going on without adding that kind of emotional wackiness to it!

Ok – I really have to get back to work so enough out of me. If you made it this far, thanks for reading!

6 Responses to “Happy St. Patrick’s Day!”

  1. 1
    calturner says:

    {{{Rae}}} I understand exactly how you feel. I’m always here if you need to talk. Love you.

  2. 2
    julia_here says:

    The conversations that are going on- except for the on-topic stuff that may go on for days, and usually on weekends when not so many people are posting- are usually pretty evanescent; I doubt the human genetics stuff will last for more than another hour of two, unless havoc (mhrih) interrupts with some totally out-there speculation and then it will stop immediatly or Rachael and I will start breaking The Rules, or possibly nearby pieces of furniture.

    I miss you. Come visit more often.

    Julia, avoiding my own LJ because I have to write an appendix to the epilogue to the Author Appreciation week posts. argh.

  3. 3
    karinalee says:

    {{Rae}} I feel the same way and I’m there most every day. Sometimes I just have time to read, tho, so I know how you feel.

    But really – most everyone else posts what’s going on in there lives, even if they don’t have a chance to catch up with everyone else. I don’t think anyone thinks much about it. I know I love to hear from you – no matter what’s going on.

    Even if it’s just a post to say Hi, or I’m bored, etc. Or drop a tidbit about the Jossverse you’ve been mulling over.

    I’m just rambling now. And missing all you guys like crazy. LJ is ok for the catching up – but I miss the live convo. I hope we have another ‘posting date night’ soon over at ACN!

    Love and hugs,
    Karen

  4. 4
    raelee says:

    {{Cal}}

    Thanks, darling. Same goes for you. Love you.

    PS – Hope you’re back is feeling better :(

  5. 5
    raelee says:

    lol! “…will start breaking The Rules…” that’s great! :)

    I miss you too and I am trying to visit more often these days.

  6. 6
    raelee says:

    {{Karen}}

    Oh, yeah, I know no one even gives it a second thought about those type of posts (I mean, you know, beyond the actual reading and responding). It’s just a personal thing. I have been trying to post more, here and there, and not over think it all. :)

    I do miss the live convos but those seem hard these days with everyone so busy or having to keep away from the site during the day. *sigh* Darn bosses expecting us to work! ;)

    *hugs*